Since you keep asking for it.

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It’s me: the $50,000 Stafford Loans you’ve been paying off for the past ten years. Or, should I say: the $85,324.18 Stafford Loans after an annual interest of 7.75%, minus the income-based payments you’ve been making?

You’ve been very distant over this forbearance period, and that hurts me. No account logins. No calls to the loan service provider. Not even a quick check-in where you stare blankly at my balance until tears envelop your face. Is this how you treat an old friend?

I know you think that I’m more of a social construct than a sentient being, but I…

It is the Lord’s will.

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Dear Pastor Falls,

It’s me: The guy that sings “Lord I Lift Your Name On High” so loudly that he can be heard on the other side of the sanctuary. I’ve missed our post-sermon chats over these past several months since I still haven’t been able to catch you before you end the Zoom webinar. Also, I think my emails are getting lost because I haven’t received responses to any of my prayer requests for some time. So, I’m sending this letter by certified mail to ask you to please, for the love of God, bring back in-person services.


Spencer Meade

Spencer Meade is a comedy writer and performer originally from a small town in Wisconsin, but currently living in Brooklyn. Find him on IG @spennyislennie.

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